Kicking like this takes years. You cannot expect to be an expert martial artist overnight.
A children’s martial arts class is a interesting case study in psychology. With most kids, you can see and feel the joy of learning in their frantic, sometimes awkward, movements. For some, you can see the frustration—of not attaining perfection immediately. Sadly, many of these children give up martial arts. They feel that if they can’t do it perfectly, they won’t do it at all.
Why are some children perfectly happy with small steps of progress, while others hate seeing themselves as weak, clumsy, or stupid? I tell my students that perfection is never possible, but striving for it builds their character. I also tell them to be patient with their progress, expect to make mistakes, and do not plan on becoming an expert overnight.
Our society expects achievement from everyone, including kids. They come into my children’s martial arts classes expecting to excel right off the bat. They don’t understand that you have to learn martial arts in small steps. You don’t just go from step number one to step number twenty in a day. Some of this pressure comes from parents, who mean well, but expect their kids to be the best in the class. This is not always realistic. In many cases, the pressure to achieve comes from the child himself. Children can be very hard on themselves. I have seen boys and girls cry in class as their frustration sets in, when doing a complex move or kata. They get very angry at themselves. You have to pull them aside and say, “you are doing fine–relax”. It doesn’t always work.
Children need to understand that mistakes are a healthy part of learning. Sometimes I’ll do a kata and throw in a mistake on purpose. I do this for two reasons. I want to see if anyone can catch it, and most importantly, to show them that we all make mistakes—even the sensei. Learn to embrace the fact that you are a beginner, when everything is fresh and new–you are laying the foundation for excellence with each step, as awkward as it may feel. Everyone makes mistakes—it is more important to do the best you can. Have fun and relax!
Children’s Martial Arts: Don’t Expect Perfection is an original article by Sensei Matt Klein.
Hi Matt, I can relate to this post both on a personal level (I’m still a kyu grade student myself) and as an assistant instructor. I get frustrated with myself for continuing to make the same mistakes or being slow to pick up some new technique but I also know that learning martial arts takes time. I think that sometimes people assume that I will be better at karate than I actually am because they know that I read and write about it (I’m a pretty average 1st kyu). In reality my knowledge and understanding about karate is way ahead of my ability to actually do it! There is no substitution for actual physical training to get good at it so it will be several years before my practical ability catches up with my knowledge base.
As an assistant instructor I have also seen children who expect to learn karate quickly or even think they know something properly after having only done it a couple of times! Some children need reassurance that they are doing just fine for their level of training and others need a bit of a reality check!
Hi Sue! Great insights. I am a fairly slow learner, but like you, do not give up. If we picked things up super fast, it might be harder to relate to our students.
I’m not sure if the body ever catches up with the mind, but that’s ok. It is better to know the “why” than the “how”. Also, we are our harshest critics, so are usually better than we think. Thanks for your comments.
This is such an important point, and I think it applies with an aspect of childhood. The main thing is to have a go and learn something:) My ten year old daughter struggles with this all the time, because she is a perfectionist at heart, but we’re teaching her that she’s learning and experiencing things along the way, and that’s the important thing.
Thanks for visiting Hear Mum Roar. Yes, it’s sometimes hard to get them to relish the journey and the things they are experiencing along the way. They just want to master it now. I see this a bit more with girls than boys because they seem more eager to please, and they know it makes mom (and the sensei) happy when they get it right straight away. As instructors we need to be patient enough to let them learn at their own pace, slow or fast.
Hi Matt, I can really relate to your comments here. There are some kids who just want to be perfect at a new challenge from the word go. I teach piano and I’ve seen this. You have to reassure these kids that it’s ok to make mistakes and remind them of their progress so far. It’s sad when kids drop out because they don’t think they are good enough – often it’s these very kids who could go on to be great. Another great post Matt.
Hi Sensei Matt,
Nice article, I see many students pushed into martial arts. Sometimes I think its ok, because people (children are people too) don’t like change. If our parents never forced us into doing things we didn’t like, we may grow up thinking and learning that it’s ok to not try new things or do things we don’t like – an example to one extreme, obey the law.
On the flip side, I still see parents living vicariously through their children at Karate well into some of the senior members of a club – this is a very bad situation where I feel the student will only end up rebelling eventually, not to mention the countless other students that will be infected by their poor form, lack of discipline & care attitude.
Despite what may be best for them or what the parents may feel is best for them after a period of time if the student is unhappy and not keen to be there, they will never achieve what Mum and Dad want and will only hinder class progress. This is where the sensei must step in and talk to the parents in my opinion, why waist their time and yours if they COULD achieve or participate in something more enjoyable for them.
I have been very lucky with my own Karate journey, starting so young I developed an attitude like what you are talking about, “Perfectionist” so to speak. But this was not an attitude that came from my parents.. I was way to self conscious to even participate in front of my parents at one stage, so they used to drop me off and leave me there. Only later on (years later) would I invite them to grading or tournaments.
Perfectionist or not, the most important point to stress is try. Try to get better or try to get it right, it is the same attitude merely at different stages in training.
Those who never try can never succeed.
Nice Pic by the way 😉
Hi Jan! Yes, it is very sad when students drop out because they don’t feel like they measure up. It is one of the more challenging aspects of being a teacher. Appreciate your comments.
Hi Zoltan, valuable insights here on your part. It is always sad when kids are forced into doing an activity they are not keen on. Some of them will learn to like it and will even thank their parents one day for insisting they learn martial arts, but it is an uphill battle. Better to find something they are passionate about–it will mean a greater chance of success.
Yes, I can agree with you about your being a perfectionist. And yes, perfectionists can become the best if they don’t get discouraged and are happy enough with their progress. On the other side of the coin are those who lack care and just skate through life, not trying to excel at anything. I just want to shake them and say “why are you here”?
Wonderful thoughts! The kid’ impatience is understandable their thought of learning quickly is a common trait of children. I think learning any discipline is a pursuit of baby steps to progress. That’s why it was in the teacher’s responsibility to keep the “interest and wonder” of children,learning.
Hi Brian, thanks for your comments. Yes, kids in general like to get straight to the “good stuff”. The baby steps are necessary to build a good foundation in the martial arts. A talented teacher is able to motivate students to learn, but they have to want to be there in the first place.