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Home » Blog » Bullying: A Parents Guide to Prevention

Bullying: A Parents Guide to Prevention

March 20, 2011 By Sensei Matt Klein

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Kids learning confidence in martial arts

Martial arts classes teach confidence, deter bullies, and build friendships.

Bullying is once again in the spotlight, both here and in the US. An incident in Western Sydney involving a bullied child who fought back and body-slammed his attacker to the ground made worldwide headlines. Most people who commented on forums and blogs were in support of his reaction. In the US, President Obama and the First Lady came out strongly in a special press meeting about the need for action on this issue. This meeting is posted on John Zimmer’s My Self Defense Blog. John’s blog post is an interesting read and inspired me to write this article.

How to determine if your child is being bullied

Watch for signs of bullying such as fear of going to school, lack of friends, missing belongings, torn clothing, sleep disturbances or nightmares, increased fearfulness and anxiety. Look especially close if the child complains of vague illnesses, such as stomach problems or headache on school days. The child may fear retaliation and keep the bullying secret for this reason. In Australia there is a fear of being labelled a “dobber” for bringing the problem to the school’s attention. Dobbing, ratting or snitching are negative labels used by the harasser to discourage children from reporting. It takes courage to report. Reporting is done to help keep someone safe. Let the child know the bullying is unlikely to stop unless you report it and get help together.

Ask your child if there are any bullies at school. This is a good way of finding out about any existing or potential problems without asking them outright. A good place to start these conversations is in the car or other place where you have little eye-to-eye contact.

Be aware of what is happening in your child’s life. Take the time to listen to them to acknowledge their concerns. Let them know it is okay to discuss anything with you, and that you will support them fully if they have any trouble at school, including bullying. Ask your child what they think is the best course of action if there is a problem. This helps them to feel like they have some control over the issue. Consult your child with any action or decision you take, as it will affect them directly. Make it clear it is not your child’s fault.

If bullying is happening at school

Engage with the school. Introduce yourself to your child’s teacher and the principal of the school. If they know you, it is easier to discuss potential problems with them.

Have a chat with other parents that have children attending your school and ask them if any of their children are being bullied? Another parent will often tell you about an instance of bullying at school simply because no parent wants to think of their child being bullied.

Do not be afraid to speak up. It is difficult to catch a bully in the act in many instances, but if enough people speak up, a pattern will be noticed and something can be done. Give the school a reasonable amount of time to do something about the problem.

Provide the school with something in writing. If the school has a written record of bullying, they are more likely to do something. The school will need evidence to discipline a bully. If there is any evidence of the bullying such as witnesses, bruises, etc. include it, as well as times and locations of the incidents.

The vast majority of teachers and administration at schools take this issue seriously and will do what it takes to try and combat bullying. However, there are a few that have the attitude that “Kids will be kids”, and look the other way. If the teacher fails to accept responsibility, it is especially important that the parent get involved. It is also necessary to find another person at the school that has the power to do something about the problem.

Try to control your anger over the incident. If you approach the school in a respectful, but concerned manner, you will have a greater chance of getting their cooperation.

At home

Set a good example for your kids by treating everyone in your life with respect and dignity. Do not allow bullying to occur in your home or workplace. The few times I have had to suspend students from martial arts training were usually related to their inability to keep their hands to themselves. Encourage your children to take a stand whenever they see bullying.

Practice role-playing. Encourage your child to react calmly and confidently to taunting. Help your child understand that responding with physical aggression or insults will usually make the problem worse. For example, have your child practice saying “Leave me alone” in a loud commanding voice and then walking away.

Teach your child how to show confidence rather than shyness and vulnerability. Children can learn to look people in the eye and speak up when they talk.

Get your child into a martial arts program. There is truth in the saying “We learn to fight in the martial arts so we do not have to”. A martial artist walks with confidence, but rarely has to use their skills. Any bully can sense it. A lack of confidence plays a big factor in who the bully selects to intimidate. Another big benefit of martial arts is the friendship that is promoted in classes, and this will also help your child.

Bullying is not something we have to accept. It should not be considered a “normal part of growing up”. It is damaging to the child’s psyche and can have life-long consequences. It leads to absenteeism at school and poor academic performance. Bullying has even contributed to youth suicide. Children should not be afraid to go to school or play outdoors. They all have a right to feel safe.

Do you have any other ideas that will help parents deal with the problem of bullying?

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Filed Under: Bullying and Self Defence for Kids, Martial Arts Resources for Parents

Comments

  1. John W. Zimmer says

    March 21, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Hi Matt,

    This give parents the tools to use and deal with bullies.

    What especially resonated with me is I was taking Lima Lama in high school. Even through I never attained higher than a blue belt, I was able to deter the few bulling attacks and they left me alone as soon as they saw I was quite willing to defend myself and knew what I was doing.

    I don’t ever recall having to actually fight in high school. I attributed this to karate lessons.

  2. Sensei Matt Klein says

    March 21, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Hi John! Yes, the self confidence you gained and willingness to do battle would have been a big deterrent. I think I got into a couple, but my willingness to mix it up kept most of the bullies away. I will say that I was much less likely to fight after I started training in martial arts.

  3. SueC says

    March 22, 2011 at 2:14 am

    An important article Matt. My eldest son was grabbed in the street by another boy when he was about 15 (the bully was in the same year group but about 6 inches taller than my son). He was grabbed by the front of his t-shirt and pulled around the street with the bully’s fist clenched menacingly near his face and shouting at him. My son did not resist and after a minute or so the bully stopped dragging him around and stared him in the face. My son just stared back and said “if you’re going to hit me, hit me”. The bully let go and ran off. Later my son said that he felt sure that if the bully was going to hit him he would have done it straight away so he knew he wouldn’t get hit once he challenged the bully to do something. I’m pretty sure it was my son’s calm attitude that stopped the bully’s actions.

  4. Sensei Matt Klein says

    March 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Hi Sue! Your son’s calm attitude is definitely what saved the day. I would guess your son has strong self-confidence to be able to display that calmness in the face of danger. Good for him for keeping his cool. You don’t always have to fight to handle a bully.

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mihir-joshi-kenpo-freestyle-sydneyOver the years, through Karate, I found that my confidence and self-esteem levels had sky rocketed to heights I never thought it would go. I thank Sensei Matt, and all those who have helped me in Karate, for helping me understand such values in a fun and social learning environment.
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mihir-joshi-kenpo-freestyle-sydneyOver the years, through Karate, I found that my confidence and self-esteem levels had sky rocketed to heights I never thought it would go. I thank Sensei Matt, and all those who have helped me in Karate, for helping me understand such values in a fun and social learning environment.
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I like Karate because it is really fun and I love going on the weekend to see all my friends and Senseis. Karate makes me feel safe because I don’t worry about bullies at school because I know they can’t really hurt me.Tyvian-Macfarlne-Kenpo-Freestyle-Sydney
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The confidence karate has given Tyvian is amazing. He is takes pride in himself and he has matured. The focus, confidence and discipline he has gained through karate has transferred to other areas of his life such as educational tasks, looking after younger children both in and out of his family and demonstrating empathy for others.Robert-Macfarlane
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